Showing up for myself is a never-ending cycle of learning and unlearning.
Sometimes I think I have it down, but most of the time I'm completely scrambling because showing up for yourself comes in many different ways. Sometimes it's working a little bit harder than usual, sometimes it's allowing yourself to rest, and sometimes it's just simply saying 'no.'
2020 was my year of self investment and learning about my Work Self (Who is she? I still don't know). There are so many online kits and classes I bought but have yet to take. And as a fresh grad, I took on jobs that I was scared of taking, projects that pushed me creatively, projects that gave me so much joy, projects that were way out of my comfort zone, and projects that made me realize that I am really not meant to do certain things, even if they seem easy enough to do. My soul would not survive it. Basically, last year's creative takeaway is this: Knowing what you don't want is just as important as knowing what you want. And from there I've been moving steadily onto better things. Not bigger, but definitely better.
In the creative field, they always talk about "finding your niche," and as a Gemini (lol), I have never been completely sold on this. I mean, it makes sense because you cannot be everything for everyone. But I also don't want to be good at or stay on just one lane for the rest of my creative life. That's just not a possibility for me. So rather than boxing myself in by saying, "I will only do these certain projects," I've started asking myself, "Is this something I actually want to do? Something I want to try? What kind of value will it give me as a person? Does this align with the creative I want to be?" I’m very lucky to be in a position where I have the option to choose certain projects, and having this thought process has helped me make better decisions. It has opened me up to projects that I didn't think I'd be fit for, but turned out to be good at. (Looking at you, corporate design.) This has also lead me to work on projects that I knew for sure I wanted to do more of — book design and printed materials.
Last year, showing up for myself meant testing my limits and creating boundaries, finding out what systems and mental processes work for me, and having a blueprint of what I want to be doing in the next couple of years.
This year, showing up for myself meant finally starting on those plans and launching Alaia Design Studio.
I soft launched the studio a month ago with big ideas and semi-concrete plans. As far as the "showing up" cycle goes, I am once again here in the part where I am scrambling. And that's okay. It gets a little overwhelming, but it's fine. I just needed to start here. Start somewhere. Because I know myself. And if I had to wait until I was ready, I would never start it. So here I am, working behind the scenes on the weekends, trying to build something that's hopefully going to connect with people. It's going slowly, but it's going. Even if I'm surrounded by artists and shops that have been releasing art every other day, I am at peace right here as I take my time to build my own shop, growing my own roots and really thinking about what value I want to give to my audience. And that's enough for now. The rest of the logistics — marketing, production, selling — I will figure out as I go. One day at a time.
I've been on the internet since I was 11-12, and I've been comfortable sharing my heart on my online sleeves (shoutout to xanga), but there is just something so personal about sharing this part of myself that I realized I've never shared outside of my circle of friends and peers. I've always given out gifts that I made just for them — mixtapes, cards, stickers, random coupons, cup sleeves, buntings, invitations, notecards, gift tags, etc. And now as I begin to make these products to share on my shop for other people to consume, I wonder if it will bring joy to them as it did to my friends and family. I hope so. We’ll see. Exciting (and nerve-racking) times!
So yeah. That's where I’m at in life and at the studio. Showing up is hard, especially when it's for yourself. You'd think it'd be easier to show up for yourself, and yet. Here we are.
But anyway! Here in 2021 we are done belittling ourselves and our potential. There is only growth and grace for ourselves when we have those days. Here in 2021 we are growing in our own pace. We will be unapologetic about the things we love and the things that give us joy, and hopefully that will allow others to do the same. And that's where I choose to begin this journey.
How have you shown up for yourself these days?
Yours from afar,
Aia